Life and death live under the same roof. I am having a hard time to understand this statement as I seem to know what I am saying, but I don't really comprehend the complexity of the oldest humankind's paradox, life and death.
As I seem to experience a little health episode like a pinkeye, I feel overwhelmed by the fact of how vulnerable I am. Have I ever appreciated my eyes? Have I ever felt lucky just for breathing? I don't get it! I was given a life, a body, a soul, dreams and all of the good stuff, but inevitably I would get them taken from me. Why? Why 'God' put us into so much if we were going to be left helpless? Why are there new loves if there are still old loves? Why smiling if it is going to end up as sadness? Why time traveling if I am fixed in the old days? Why a memory? Why can't we forget the pain like we forget our car keys? Why? For what exact reason I was provided with body that ages with time? Why can't I have an armor in which time never goes by? Why my feet to escape to places if I can't run free from my past?
God, are you there? What's your address? I will like to set up a meeting where you can go over my questions, I am looking for real answers. Don't trick me again telling me I need to pray again. Stop that shhhh! I need you to be precise, and if anything, you can actually change me a little bit. To begin with, please delete my pain!? Delete my worry, my hopeless, my anger, my absence of forgiveness, my stubbornness, my hate, my resentment, my lack of passion, and my inability to love others . If you are in doubt about which one is the most important to delete, would you allow me to be free? Would you please please help to LET IT GO? Have you written a book or given a TED Talk on this regard? I am seriously looking forward to it. I am living backwards.
These days, I am more worried, sadder, hopeless, and I seem to have trouble understanding how life is supposed to be lived. However, when I was younger, I wasn't as worried as I am right now. Those days, my only concern was playing with my friends, I used to like rollerskating, riding my purple bike, watching Power Rangers or my favorite TV show called " Dinosaurs". My dad was my God, he was my religion, he was my hero. I never needed further explanation. He would explain me in words how I grew up seeing in him all I ever wanted to become. Besides of wanting to be an astronaut, I wanted to be like him. I never knew how much I loved him until 2011 when I jumped...
Why new loves if there are still old loves?
"This too shall pass"